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Leaders often face a common yet perplexing challenge: They are keenly aware of the need for change, yet find themselves paralyzed when it comes to taking action. It’s a phenomenon called the growth paradox. The paradox lies in the fact that although people often desire to grow and change, this process is accompanied by strong feelings of discomfort, fear, and resistance that hold them back. These leaders do not lack the will to do their work, but instead lack the deeper, powerful motivational foundations to break free from the constraints of their own psychology. This paradox manifests itself in feeling “stuck,” trapping them in a cycle of frustration and sometimes despair.

Robert Keegan and Lisa Lahey write in their book Immunity to changeEven when leaders are deeply committed to behaving differently, they struggle with how to do so, leading to a frustrating feeling of “stuck” and unable to adapt. We’ve seen that leaders who can make progress do one thing differently; They access deeper, personally relevant motivations – connecting desired change to actions driven by their values, goals, and an inspired version of their future self.

The psychology of the growth paradox

When we feel stuck, we struggle with seemingly insurmountable barriers. Often, these barriers are not rooted in external challenges; Rather, they are stories we tell ourselves. They are like invisible chains, preventing us from achieving our full potential. From stumbling. These psychological obstacles make us trapped in the growth paradox.

• “I’m afraid I’ll fail.”— Often times, we are afraid to try new ways of leading because we fear appearing incompetent, disappointing others, or simply failing completely at work.
• “That’s the way I am.”—Sometimes, we can cling to a rigid sense of ourselves to justify doing things the way we’ve always done them, which makes us feel more comfortable.
• “Why should I change?”– We have not yet met an executive who does not want to be successful, but is convinced of the need to change things profoundly in order to motivate them.
• “I’m not good enough.”– Imposter Syndrome, a well-known inhibitory mentality that generates self-doubt and feelings of fraud, a person who will be arrested for not being as talented as others around him, even though the opposite is often true.
• “It’s very difficult to change.” –Building new skills and mental patterns can be difficult at first. It can be difficult to be a beginner again, and new ways of being require practice, perseverance, and the motivation to keep iterating until change becomes embedded.
• “It’s out of my control.”– In situations where leaders believe they are trapped by circumstances beyond their control, it is common for them to feel helpless.

Get unstuck

For leaders to overcome this paradox, establishing a strong connection between their current and future selves is essential. This connection unlocks intrinsic motivation that provides sustained fuel for overcoming practical and emotional obstacles. Connecting your leadership growth to your purpose and personal choices will also change your mindset and provide compelling motivation to move beyond limiting viewpoints and do the hard work. Research shows that it is difficult for people to take developmental actions if the actions are not linked to clear images of their future selves.

Below, we explore three actionable strategies packed with real-world insights to help you move from paralysis to progress.

Connect with your values: Who are you, and why is change important to you?

Case Study 1: Kathy, an overworked senior marketing manager.

Kathy, a marketing manager at a technology startup, was having a hard time saying no and setting boundaries around her workload. She was consistently sought out by her peers and the CEO as someone who always had an intelligent perspective, did excellent work, and was willing to help solve tough problems. She had the happy problem of being one of the “favorite” leaders in the company.

However, beneath the surface, Cathy was exhausted, unable to say no to job requests, and on the verge of burnout. Despite her clear desire to change things, she felt trapped and unable to find a way out of her usual behavior.

One of its core values ​​was “courage.” This value was reflected in her willingness to take on difficult projects, face tough new challenges, and always move forward. I’ve gained a lot of respect because of it. However, she realized that living the value of courage now meant facing the one thing she had been unwilling to do—say no. Once she made that connection, the practice of saying “no” became something she “had to do” because she cared deeply about courage. It was part of who she was.

Acting in accordance with your values ​​is not only pathological. It also helps clarify who you are and what you want for the future, puts you back in control, and can be incredibly empowering.

Here are some questions to help you clarify your values. Answer these questions and notice the themes that emerge:

• Think about a time when you felt deeply satisfied, fulfilled, or alive. What were you doing? What values ​​were implicit in this situation?
• What beliefs or principles would you never compromise, no matter the circumstances?
• Rank your top three to five values.
• How does the change you want to make in your leadership style relate to your values?
• Is there a value that should be expressed differently now?

Crafting your future leadership identity: Who are you striving to become?

Case Study 2: Adam, Micromanagement CEO.

Adam is the young founder and CEO of a rapidly expanding startup. As his company flourished, he brought on more experienced senior members, but he continued to treat them as he did his initial employees when he started the company—as micromanaged roommates. We pushed him to envision his long-term identity: Did he just want to be the founder, or did he aspire to be a CEO long-term? This prompted him to reformulate his leadership identity.

He decided, “I want to be the CEO that everyone wants to be.” His new future identity became a call to action for how to engage differently, what skills he needed to learn, and what behaviors he needed to unlearn. He also envisioned what his team would experience under his new leadership. This created a compelling and meaningful future self to strive for.

Once you have clarified your desired future identity, you can leverage it to facilitate the small incremental changes that build up. It also highlights James Clear’s atomic habits, By asking questions rooted in your evolving identity, you guide your actions. For example: Adam might ask himself, How does a good CEO rep work? How does an experienced CEO communicate with his team? As you become more connected to the larger leadership picture—both current and evolving—it becomes easier to sustain the effort necessary for intentional actions to turn into automatic habits.

This shift in perspective unleashes resilience, and hard work and discomfort become more bearable. Your evolving future self paves the way for transformation. Take a few minutes to think about your future leadership identity:

• What kind of leader do you want to be? What kind of influence do you want to have?
• How will this leader show up in small, daily actions?
• What will this leader do in difficult moments?

Turn complaints into commitments: Reconnect with your power

Case Study 3: Alexis, the Unfinished Director.

Alexis, an experienced program manager at a fast-paced communications company, found himself drowning in a sea of ​​tight deadlines, last-minute changes, and pressure to do more without adequate resources. Beneath his calm exterior, Alexis had a growing list of complaints. He was frustrated with management’s approach to project planning, felt overwhelmed by the unrealistic expectations placed on him, and was disappointed by the company’s lack of support for innovation.

The job he once loved was starting to wear him down, and this was affecting his life at home.

Alexis, although exhausted, was making daily decisions that inadvertently contributed to his exhaustion and the growth paradox. His complaints were not mere grievances; They were signs of his neglected passion for personal well-being and spending quality time with his family.

This revelation was transformative, so Alexis committed to spending more time with his son. He began to prioritize his tasks wisely, actively sought additional support, and relied on delegating authority. This series of actions not only improved work-life balance, but also served as a testament to the empowerment that comes from reclaiming one’s agency.

Hiding complaints is always something that is important to us and we don’t get it; Otherwise why complain? For example, complaining about our boss’s micromanaging style highlights our need for autonomy. Complaining about a messy workplace may underscore our need for safety and organization.

Recognizing your choices and their impact is crucial because it connects you to your sense of power and strength—”I create this current reality. I can create a new reality.” Think about the following questions:

• What choices are you making today that continue to create an outcome you don’t want?
• What choices can you make that will move you toward your desired outcome?
• Choose one or two simple, low-risk options to try. What kind of outcomes become possible when you make these different choices?
• What did you learn from that experience? Are there any adjustments you want to make?
• What other options do you want to try next?
• Rinse and repeat.

Freeing yourself from the growth paradox is not just about overcoming immediate challenges. It’s about challenging assumptions, aligning with your core values, developing a guiding vision for your future self, and getting back in touch with your power. We can all create a new reality. Don’t let your complaints and feelings of helplessness prevent you from achieving your dreams. The essence of overcoming the growth paradox is finding deep, meaningful connections to the work you do and the life you live. Willpower is important, but feeling that the work has real meaning to you is even more important.

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